PB & J
by Skittle-Scattle
Summary: The group forgot to stock on bread and Lloyd's hungry for a sandwich and thinks of a brilliant idea. But with Zelos around, nothing ever goes according to plan.
1. Agent Eighty Eight

**HAPPY FRIGGEN' ASS LATE BIRTHDAY ELIVIER!! I HOPEZ YOUETH LOVE-ISH YOUR PRESENTZ!! **

Ed: /Snort/ /Snort/ /Snort/ /Sniff/ _Translation: Even I feel kinda bad..._

Really?! **o**A**o**

Ed: /Snort/ /Sniff/ /Whinny/ _Translation:_ _Fuck no, ain't my problem._

/Rip stitches/

Ed: /Sniff/ /Whinny/! /Snort/ /Snort/! _Translation:_ _Holy fuck! Now I need more surgery!_

* * *

Lloyd was having a dilemma.

No, it wasn't the fact that Colette was kidnapped by Rodyle, or Kratos was being a confusing, shit burger, son of a sock puppet, or that Yggdrasill was being his crazy, "It's-a-non-stop-disco-bet-you-it's-Nabisco-bet-you-didn't-know", bad-ass self. **None**. _What_. So. _**Ever**_.

It was the issue of Lloyd's stomach and what it craved. Yes, Lloyd's stomach that governed his every move, thoughts, and soul (no shit there), was growling with enough fury that it made a Lobo sound like a newborn pup. And no, the Eternal Swordsman wasn't hungry for anything. He was hungry for a sandwich. But no, he wasn't hungry for any old sandwich. Uh-uh, he was hungry for the **God of Sandwiches**: peanut butter and jelly.

The real issue, you see, was the fact that the group had forgotten to stock up on bread.

_How do you make a sandwich without bread?!_ The question screamed itself around the red-clothed teen's head. He stood there, in the middle of the "kitchen" in Dirk's house, pondering this question.

Then, suddenly, he thought of a brilliant idea. Grabbing a butter knife, the brunet grabbed the jar of peanut butter, opened it, scooped out a large blob and popped it into his mouth. He looked around for the jelly. _Where's...my jelly?_ The Eternal Swordsman thought with both anger and sadness.

That was when he noticed Zelos, a mischievous smile on his face and in his hand was...a jar of...strawberry jelly.

Mimicking Lloyd's actions, the red-head slunk over to the boy and lifted up his chin so those earth-brown eyes look into his own cloudless-blue eyes. He lowered his head to touch Lloyd's full lips with his own puckered lips. The Eternal Hero made a small squeaky noise as the older man began to kiss him. The brunet eventually closed his eyes and started to return the favor.

_Still shy, eh?_ the pink-wearer miscreant thought. _Then we'll just have to fix that._ The red-head waited for his opportunity to strike. The Dwarven-raised teen (who was still slightly unused to the realm of kissing) would sometimes kiss his lover with his mouth slightly open which gave Zelos his opportunity. _Now!_

The older man shot his strawberry laden tongue into the shorter boy's peanut buttery mouth. Lloyd shot his eyes open as Zelos began to tease the boy's unresponsive one with his own.

Then the teen understood what Zelos was doing. Slightly blushing, the Eternal Swordsman fought back, tasting the strawberry jelly on the red-head god's tongue.

Zelos groaned loudly as the spiked-haired boy's fought back with all its peanut-buttery goodness. The rumble from the taller male's throat shook the teen's teeth, tickling his tongue. Together they mashed and mingled the peanut-butter and jelly 'till there was nothing left.

But that didn't stop them.

Still kissing, the Chosen wandered his hands all around the brunet's body: rubbing his arms, running his gloved hands over his chest, shoulders, back, and hips. He grabbed Lloyd's ass. Said boy gave muffled gasps and moans at the feel of the hands. Lloyd ground his hips into the other's, their members pushed up against each other. The tangerine-orange haired man squealed and ground himself into the young boy. The brunet cried out, breaking the kiss, and groaned as the older man continued to grind himself against him. He threw his head back, wrapping his legs around Zelos as said man supported him.

The ex-chosen dashed up the stairs that led to Lloyd's room.

He dumped the boy on his bed as soon as they reached the room. Zelos began ripping off their clothes in a blurry haze.

The teen pulled the other down by his long hair and in a kiss. The ex-Chosen was laying half-on Lloyd, his legs still on the ground, supporting him. He tore off the last bits of clothes as they continued to kiss, slobbering spit all around their mouths.

The red-head pulled the lower half of his body up, spreading the brunet's legs apart, wrapping his lips around the teen's shaft.

Lloyd propped himself up as he watched Zelos suck, lick, slobber, squeeze, and moan around his cock. The Eternal-Swordsman whispered encouraging words, begging Zelos to continue on.

* * *

Noishe calmly strode over the log bridge that led you to Dirk's house.

The Protozoan was in a good mood to say the least. Some of the village kids gave him treats such as apples and dried pieces of meat, he'd made friends with some of the local gossiping birds, meth-addicted squirrels, and a flamboyant butterfly, and to top it all off, he got some bread for Lloyd! He never felt so proud of himself.

"Ngh...Ah..."

Noishe stopped dead-short, large ears slightly quivering, high in the air. _What in holy hell was that?!_ Black-ish purple eyes darted around, hoping to find a figure to go with the sounds.

Nothing.

"(Hi-ya, Noishe!)" A twitchy squirrel chattered from a tree.

"(Grasper!)" Noishe barked back in greetings. "(Can you find out where that noise is coming from?)"

Grasper's head snapped around, his nose sniffing the air. "(What noise?)" As if on cue, a yell was heard...coming...from...LLOYD'S ROOM?!

"(I'll go check it out!)" The squirrel jumped down on to the ground, twirled upwards in a candy cane fashion on one of the support beams that held up the deck to the red-clad hero's room. Noishe watched the grey blob dart quickly in the window.

* * *

Zelos grabbed the tube of lube from his pant's pocket and twisted off the top. He squeezed a small amount onto his fingers and shoved them up Lloyd. The teen made a small shuddering sound as he felt the fingers move around inside him, pulling out, then in again. The fingers disappeared and were replaced with something much bigger.

The tangerine-orange began thrusting almost as soon he plunged into the brunet.

"Ngh..." Lloyd moaned a little too loudly. "Ah..."

* * *

Grasper jumped out of the window faster then a missile, quivering as he zoomed up to Noishe, squeaking out, "(There's s-someone being attacked!)"

The protozoan needn't to hear more as he quite literally leapt into action, landing quieter then a cat on the deck. He used his teeth to twist the doorknob and pushed open the door.

"Oh my G...Ah, goddess, Zelos!" Noishe's master cried out as his face scrunched up. "So..." The red-head gasped. "So fucking good."

Noishe barked like what seemed to be hell, interrupting the two males' love making. Zelos leapt off of Lloyd as the green-white "dog" attempted to bite off his leg.

"No, Noishe!" The brunet attempted to subdue his pet. "Hey! Stop!" Lloyd grabbed the scruff or the protozoan's fur.

It did little to help as Noishe dragged the blue-winged hero around his room until Zelos jumped out of the small window in the room.

"Zelos!" The teen let go of Noishe and ran out to the balcony, hoping that the red-head hadn't killed himself or done any serious damage. What he saw both shocked and surprised him. "Zelos?"

The young adult was floating right in front of him, his vibrant orange colored wings slowly flapping behind him.

"Uh..." Zelos sea-blue eyes looked around. "Look!" He pointed to his wings. "Merry! The pure and heavenly divine essence of the celestial beings lost in their own salt-of-the-earth ethereal world!"

"..." Lloyd's eyes dulled over to a murky brown as little sparks fizzled out of his head.

The cherry-red head gulped, floated over the shallow stream next to the small wooden shack, and dissipated his crystal-like wings, falling into the freezing water. Zelos was carried away, screaming like a little girl, having misjudged the current of the stream.

* * *

So, now we are onto the second chapter! Transforming into Agent Yellow!!! /Puts on yellow cape/ Off and away!!

Ed: /Neigh/ /Sniff/ /Whinny/ _Translation: Hey, you should review._


	2. Ninja Twenty One

**S&M APPLES!!!**

Ed: /Sniff/ /Snort/ /Snort/ _Translation: You had better not be tracing any of those apples._

Ugh! What the hell, Ed?! You fucking, sick, perverted unicorn!

Ed: /Whinny/ /Snort/ /Whinny/ _Translation: I'm a goddamn unicorn, we were made horny._

Ew. I think I'm gonna puke my brains over there now.

* * *

Noishe's barks could be vaguely heard. Of course he wouldn't interfere, Lloyd had the brilliant idea to tie the Protozoan to its wooden home.

* * *

Zelos watched with eagerness as Lloyd stripped off his fishnet shirt. He dragged his elbow-length, black, rubber gloves over the bare skin, touching here and there. Lloyd held in a moan as he took off the spiked choker on the other man's neck, kissing the second stiff leather brace before moving to kiss the collar bone. The red-head massaged Lloyd's scalp, careful not to knock off the cat ears, tilting his head to the side more. The brunet brought his mouth up again, his tongue being dragged across the chain that was connected to the leather collar to his own matching black brace.

Zelos pulled off the studded bracelets the short-shorts wearing hero's wrist, kissing the finger tips. Lloyd did moan this time, the feeling of soft lips too delicious to resist.

The older man smiled to himself, looking almost as mysterious as the Zorro mask he wore, pulling off the thong and fishnet stockings strapped to the black lingerie showing his lover his hard-on.

Lloyd gave the other a devious grin and pulled the chain of the twin-choker to kiss his Zorro-masked red-head, and then slipped in between the man's open legs.

The tangerine-orange titled his head back to the wooden wall of the brunet's room and gave a pleasurable hiss when the teen's mouth slipped over his shaft.

Lloyd inwardly frowned. Why didn't he cry out with pleasure and scream for more and all the cliché bullshit like that?

"Gotta work for it, baby," Zelos wagged his eyebrows suggestively and closed his eyes again.

The teen was vexed. _'Baby?!'_ Oh-ho-ho, you do **NOT **call Lloyd Irving Aurion baby! Compliment or not!

He pulled his mouth away, opting for using his hands. The vermillion opened his sea blue eyes, looking at the cat-ear brunet, and made a little questioning squeak. "You gotta work for it, neh?" The Aurion briefly looked up, a sadistic gleam in his chocolate eyes. "My mouth ain't going anywhere near your dick until I hear you beg for it."

The ex-Chosen crossed his arms over his corset that stopped right above his belly button. The black corset was made from stiff cloth and adorn with a bunch of useless zippers. He wanted to put up a fight but all ready he could feel himself crumbling. The brunet had such a power over him...

* * *

Sheena Fujibayashi was walking down the log bridge that led you to Dirk's House. She sang lightly in Mizuho's native language. It was a sad song about a woman who hung herself when she came home to find her husband in bed with another woman prettier then the wife. But Sheena loved it, the words were pretty and it also served as a charm to ward off the evil spirits of promiscuity and adultery. Speaking of charms, Sheena was here to give Lloyd Mizuho's strongest charm to protect him on his journey to destroy ex-spheres...and just because she wanted to see him. What!?! It's not strange at all to fall in love with a friend!...Right?...Right?

The purple ninja saw a tied-up Noishe barking towards Lloyd's room. Why would Lloyd leave Noishe tied up? He knows the Protozoan hates restrictives!

"What's up, Noishe?" Sheena petted the large head. A wet nose shoved her. "Ahh! What?" Again the nose pushed her. Noishe pointed his nose to the door. "You want me to go in there?" Noishe nodded. "Okay..." She open the never locked door and stepped inside.

It was so...quiet...Too quiet...

Sheena pulled out a shurikin and tipped-toed around the home. "Ah..." Her eyes looked at the stairs that led upwards to Lloyd's room where the sound had originated from. She slowly made her way up.

* * *

Lloyd pulled off his leather short-shorts, leaving his thigh-long boots on (they were hell putting them on, not like it would be any better taking them off), Zelos panted lightly. It was so easy for the brunet to get the red-head to do whatever he wanted. It had only taken the tangerine a few seconds before he completely broke and begged like a good fuck-bitch.

The red-head held up his cock as Lloyd slowly seated himself on the hard organ. His blue eyes almost rolled to the back of his head when the Eternal Hero began pushing himself up and down on the cock. The teen moaned. Zelos' hand began pumping the other's dick. The teen moaned even louder, pushing himself faster. The red-head responded by stroking faster.

Lloyd leaned over to kiss Zelos, tongue included.

* * *

Sheena ran up the rest of the way up the stairs and saw a sight she would have never believed. Zelos and Lloyd having sex? In leather outfits, cat ears, and a Zorro mask? And tongue fighting?

"Oh my..." She fainted. Her body _thumped_ down the stairs.

Lloyd and Zelos were snapped from their worlds in time to see a pair of black and purple legs flipping down the stairs. And many _thumps_ after that...

They quickly pulled on all of their regular clothes and ran down the stairs to help the ninja.

/When Sheena Comes To/

The Mizuhoian groaned lightly, pulling off the wet cloth on her forehead and sat up from the table she had been placed on.

"Sheena!" Lloyd came out from the corner of her almond eyes, same large stupid grin on his face. "You're awake!!"

"W-What happened?" Sheena rubbed her head, goddess her body was sore.

"You fainted right next to the stairs," Zelos obnoxious voice rang out. He was leaning against one of the walls. "Brilliant idea I might add."

_Wait..._Sheena blushed as the memory of Zelos and Lloyd replayed itself over and over again. "Ar-Are you guys...Ya know...?" She made finger gestures that the brunet didn't understand (big shocker) but the red-head just grinned largely and gave a proud-full, "Yup!"

Sheena sat up and looked at the protection charm she had brought with her, thinking. "Hold on." She ninja-poofed away (Tiga finally fucking gave her the instructions on how to make ninja-poof cards) and poofed back in a matter of minutes. "Here." She blushed heavily, holding out a small square package.

Zelos took it and smiled when he figured out what it was. Lloyd took it and studied the words written across it, "...What's a 'Magnum?'"

* * *

And there you have it. You asked and you have received...I wonder if it's healthy that the fact I can only write these kinds of stories when I'm listening to death metal and screamo...I'll ask my therapist. I think she'll say no and probe deeper into my twisted mind...

Mr. Dollar-Store-T-Rex: I'm sure plenty of people do. I mean, you know quite a few people who listen to the music you do to write sex scenes.

...But they write about Necrophilia. Sometimes Bestial Necrophilia. There was that one time I read one of Taylor's stories and it was about fucking a cow heart hooked up to a car battery so it could beat.

Mr. Dollar-Store-T-Rex: ...Then I suggest you...tell...

She is not weird! She's just into...hardcore smut...


	3. Wonder Chocolates

I wonder if people already have an idea what this is about. You guys are starting to learn right? You know, Agent Eighty-Eight, Ninja Twenty-One...? I--I'm gonna shut-up now...I lies. So I guess I wrote it as being some random festival at Mizuho.

.../Sniff/ My white mouse died about a three weeks ago. I'll try to keep this chapter happy and cheery, 'kay?

Ed: /Snort/ /Sniff/ /Whi--?/ _Translation: Are you still going on abou--?_

No! STFU! Clark-Lewis! /Enters brontosaurs/ Ed, meet Clark-Lewis, my bouncer.

/Kicks Ed away/

My bouncer.

* * *

He looked to the left, then to his right. His left and then right, again. He was paranoid as you can tell. Who wouldn't be?

Instead of being clad in his usual overly bright red and black-ish blue clothing, today the brunet wore a...what did the Mizuhoian people call...? Oh, that's right, a yukata, it's color first a terracotta red but gradually turned an autumn brown with bronze leaves embroidered; it was meant to cause a cooling sensation to the soul but, right now, it was his body that needed cooling. He fanned himself with one of the over sized long sleeves, daring to look outside. The sun beat Iselia with unforgiving heat that rivaled the desert. Of course, Lloyd being who he was, had to leave something unbutton (aka, a very lose obi with no undershirt). His body was slumped on the stiff, hand-crafted, couch. _When the hell is he going to get here? Seriously, it only takes, like, twenty minutes on Reheird. It's almost been a fricken hour! _

"LLLLLLOOOOOYYYYYD!!!" A blue-clothed body slammed itself on the brunet, crushing the air from his lungs, almost flipping the couch over. Zelos snuggled his face in the dwarven-raised boy's abdomen. His brown eyes looked out the main window in the living room. The Reheird the red-head had used was...going to be decommissioned to say the least. It gave a long sigh, a large plume of off-white burst into the sky. It looked like it had been through hell...Yuan won't be too happy about that.

* * *

/Renegade base/

The blunet was scribbling away at papers.

"Sir!" A Renegade saluted.

"Yea--? **AHH! MY BABY!!**" Yuan grabbed at his heart.

* * *

/Back/

"So, you're sure no one's going to come?" Lloyd questioned after he regained his breath.

"Yep!" The ex-Chosen nodded his head. "I told Regal to tell Sheena, to tell Presea, to tell Raine, to tell Genis," He paused as he counted his fingers. "And that's all."

"What about Colette?"

"Like she matters. She probably doesn't even know you're here."

* * *

/Field/

A Yorky was running frantically away from Vitamin-D.

"C'mere, Miffy!" Colette cried out _with arms wide open under the sun light_.

* * *

/Back/

"Oookay." Lloyd said, examining the cherry red-head with perverted eyes.

Zelos was also dawned in a yukata, given to him by the lovely Yukihana, in a watery blue color with white flocks of cranes and a river painstakingly stitched in. The front of his yukata, under the obi, had split right down the middle, showing off the inseam of the ex-chosen's thighs.

It's not like he could help himself. What would you do if you where in his position?

The brunet ran a hand up the thigh, kissing the red-head.

The tangerine giggled in his mind, _Knew he wouldn't be able to handle it..._

Ah...so it was planned from the very beginning. Brilliant Zelos.

Lloyd was being bold, even bolder then Zelos had ever been. The hand fondled the red-head's penis. Zelos, being who he was, had decided to go commando, the day too hot for underwear. Another hand found itself inside his yukata, finger tips running up and down the marmalade orange red-head's spine.

His azure eyes slid close, head titled back, moaning out his lover's name. He had no idea how the dwarven-raised boy was able to do it but when he opened his eyes, his yukata was lying folded up on a chair. _Him_, on the hand, he was stretched out naked across the brunet's bed, the springs squeaking under pressure when Lloyd, also bare, leaned over the older man. His fingers pinched the ex-chosen's pink and perky nipples, extracting a loud groan.

The teen kissed the other some more, then reached under his bed for the tube of lube the vermilion had left a few weeks ago.

* * *

Dirkhad finally finished his "secret" mission. The dwarf was busy packing up all of his tools, heart fluttering as his brown eyes gazed at the shiny new tools guarantied to make his production go smoother. He petted his beard as he thought of his adopted son. _I wonder what that boy is doing now..._

* * *

Lloyd shoved a lube coated finger up Zelos' hole. The Chinese mandarin-orange man gave another one of his pleasured hisses. The brunet touched himself, the euphoric face too sexy not to. Another finger was added. The ex-chosen moaned. The fingers moved in a small circle inside him. Zelos' inner walls tightened themselves around the fingers, making it harder for Lloyd to keep on fore playing.

* * *

Dirk finally had all of his things packed, leaving Triet and headed home.

* * *

He couldn't take it anymore. He spread more of the un-scented lube on his dick. Lifting one of the creamy pale legs up onto his shoulder, he pulled out his fingers and placed his cock at the entrance. He pushed himself at a steady pace into the young adult. The blazing blue eyed man's toes curled at the feeling, walls constricting even more around the large hard organ. "Oh my goddess," The cinnamon eyed teen groaned. He began to thrust "You're so tight, Zelos." The lazuline eyed man clenched and unclench the walls, making Lloyd thrust even faster.

Pants and moans echoed through out the small home. The snapping of skin against skin. Zelos pumped himself, twisting at one of his hard nipples, crying out Lloyd's name. The savior of the worlds continued thrusting, secretly hoping that nothing bad will happen this time around.

The tingling sensation came to him. The Loudmouth yelled louder and louder.

Sweat dripped off their moving bodies. He opened his eyes to look into those chocolate glazed eyes. He cried out loudly as he came, spraying his thick semen all over his body.

Lloyd couldn't help but think how sexy Zelos looked: panting and sweaty, covered in his own seed. He thrust hard to push past the tight wall, desperate for his own climax. His penis felt tingly, he was coming...Ah...Right there! He felt a scorching heat spark his vision white, before he calmed down awhile later, panting lightly, pulling out as he became soft.

The red-head sat up and kissed the teen lightly on the lips. They both heard a third set of lungs breath air out of nostrils. They turned their heads and noticed...

...The Wonder Chef?

The blond's blue eyes had dilated to the point of where it was almost nothing but white, with that, "Holy-shit-fuck-I-totally-am-scarred-for-life" smile clenched on his lips. He lowered his giant fork down back to his side and slowly fell backwards, breaking through the wood railing and tumbling down the short flight of stairs.

"..." They looked at each other and got dressed back into the Mizuhoian clothes and checked on the fallen cook.

...He was foaming...With those crazy swirly eyes and a dark blush going across the bridge of his nose and cheeks...

Oookay...Sneaking away, pretending we saw nothing...

* * *

Dirkfirst noticed the still smoking Reheird. He then noticed a tied up Noishe. The dwarf untied the protozoan, patting him on the head, and then entered the house.

"...Why is their a blond guy in my house...?" He mused to himself. He sniffed the air. It had gone stale with the scent of sex and sweat. "...Lloyd..." He sighed, _He had better used protection..._

* * *

So...Yeah...That's the final chapter. Um...Happy late ass birthday, Elivier...?


End file.
